I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i came on her dog
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
