I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
