At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
