Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
