Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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