i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
