I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
