I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
