the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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