I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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