So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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