His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
