its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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