Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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