i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
