we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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