: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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