do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
