3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
