I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
