The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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