take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
