I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
