i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
my poor anus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
