I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
