just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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