Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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