I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
