I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
