So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
