A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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