i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Randomize
