On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
