please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
