at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
