I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
