jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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