We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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