in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
