i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
