I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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