Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
