Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
