pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
