Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
