when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
