sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
