Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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