I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
