Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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